If I Wasn't Already Going to Hell, I Definitely am Now
To get to the point, I'm going to hell because I don't care that the pope died.......at all. When I overheard the news from two girls while I was hiding behind their park bench stealing things from their backpacks so that I could smell them later while I masturbate, it was like hearing the news that a gigantic new whole was found in the ozone layer. 1) it doesn't affect my day to day life whatsoever; and 2) It increases my sunscreen budget by an insignificant 25%. Wait, I guess the pope's death didn't really increase my sunscreen budget directly. Bad example. Anyway, who gives a shit if the pope died? Even if I was catholic or even remotely religious, I don't think that I would care. Not because I'm a bad person. I mean, that's true, but the real reason is that whenever someone dies, I always ask myself the same question: What have they done for me lately? All that I could come up with for the pope was a tape I saw once of him watching a performance of break dancers. And that only gave me a chuckle, at best. Why should I be sad over the death of someone who devoted their lives not really to helping people, but more to reading a bunch of shit in Latin and randomly distributing incense. Ok, I'll admit that I don't really know anything about the pope, or any of the good things that he may have done over the one thousand years or so since God or somebody made him the pope. But think about it, I've read a bunch of things in a real language like English and no one is going to remember me when I die. So why should the pope be remembered? I'll let everyone think about that for a while.
In closing, when remembering someone who has recently passed away, it is essential for the people who are left behind to think of themselves, rather than the legacy or achievements of the deceased person. It is in this way that we truly honor the memory of people who were too old to contribute anything meaningful to society or make rational decisions. I hope that my post has helped somewhat in your mourning process, and may the new pope bring many years of joy to your blackened hearts.