Sunday, November 06, 2005

I'll Try to Have Sex With You, But I Can't Make Any Promises

This weekend I almost had sex with one of the.....heut..hooouuuh...mmhhhhmm...huuuhh.. OK, I'm good......fattest girls, maybe ever. Maybe not ever, I've watched a few shows on the Discovery health channel, but it wasn't good. I'd reach for parts of her body and come up with completely different parts than I was looking for. Everytime I had my eyes closed and I thought I was starting to get there, my penis would grab me by the back of my hair, pry the corners of my eyelids open and yell in my ear, "Don't look away now, you coward! You did this! Face the decision!". Then all the blood would flow back to my vital organs where it belongs. I'm not saying this to be an asshole. This is just the facts, and it's my blog, and anyone who doesn't like it can suck my floppy unresponsive dick. The embarassment of a soft penis is a fair exchange for not having to deal with the type of regret usually reserved for murder. I'm out. Don't forget to honor our veterans this Thursday or something. Whenever Veteran's day is.

11 Comments:

Blogger JB said...

Haha, how did you manage to get in a situation like that is all I wonder.

You know what they say though -- once you go fat, you never go back. Or maybe nobody said that.

5:12 PM, November 06, 2005  
Blogger Paul said...

I say it's a good thing you couldn't get it up. Otherwise, you'd have nightmare for the rest of your life.

6:09 PM, November 06, 2005  
Blogger Rachel Norfleet said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

7:23 PM, November 06, 2005  
Blogger gynagirl said...

Is fking a fat chick equal to a girl fking a guy with a little dick? In both cases, you find yourself in a situation you don't quite remember getting into but you try to make the best out of it anyways...

10:51 AM, November 07, 2005  
Blogger Murph said...

How little are we talking here?

10:54 AM, November 07, 2005  
Blogger JRae said...

What, you're not down with the "more cushion for the pushin'"? Well don't bitch about not getting laid anymore, you had your opportunity!! ;) I'm a fat sympathizer... just in case I get that way someday. You never know... ;)

10:56 AM, November 07, 2005  
Blogger Murph said...

I know I bitch a lot but that's what this blog is for. It's like a diary, only gayer.

10:58 AM, November 07, 2005  
Blogger gynagirl said...

Anything less than 4 inches, hard... If you ever see two girls talking & looking at a guy & one of them raises her pinky finger, she is notifying the other girl that the guy has a small dinker...

11:09 AM, November 07, 2005  
Blogger Murph said...

Four? Damn, I feel like a porn star. From now on I'm gonna start saying things like "Take it all!" or "You want the rest?"

12:26 PM, November 07, 2005  
Blogger President Preston said...

I am both ashamed of you for screwing a fat chick, and proud of you for admitting it. Admittion (is that word?) of something is the first step towards solving a problem.

You may not realize it, but WE all have. Murph, you have a fat chick fetish. This is your intervention, and we want you to know we're here because we care.

2:55 PM, November 07, 2005  
Blogger Goo said...

you obviously SAW she was fat before you tried to get all up in that booty, so don't complain now.

i must ask though... did you end up hittin' it anyway? hmmm?

9:06 PM, November 15, 2005  

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