Friday, June 09, 2006

I'm Gonna Have to Ask You to Go Ahead and Come in on Sunday Too. Thanks.

I can't wait until the day that this guy happens to show up next to me at the urinal here at work. I know that sounds really gay, but it's not what you're thinking. I just really hate this guy and I probably spend a good 10-15% of my time here at work fucking with him. Don't feel bad for him though, he deserves it. He's the kind of guy that acts polite, but wouldn't give up a Sunday of tennis to save a group of orphans. The reason I hate him is that he's not the student employment supervisor, but he's on a fucking mission to watch all the students and report every time any of us writes a text message or accidentally leaves with an office pen. The things I do are just inconveniences anyway. Things like taking all the paper out of his fax machine. Or switching out the new batteries from his stapler for the dead ones in my mp3 player. You know, stuff that interupts his day, but if he went and told my boss about them, she'd just think he was insane. The best part is that I see him notice this stuff all the time and it bothers the shit out of him. It's makes my day.

Anyway, back to the urinal. I'm patiently awaiting the sweet day when the planets align, and Pat the accounting supervisor steps into the previously safe haven that is the UNM Business Center 2nd floor bathroom, only to find that the only in-service urinal is an uncomfortably close 12-15 inches away from me and my angry penis. At first, he'll probably think nothing of it as he nervously attempts to remove his excuse for a baby's cock from the disproportionatly gigantic penishole of his double-pleated Van Heusen khakis. Then, just as the soft, broken stream of urine starts to splatter onto his $10 K-mart penny-loafers, I'm gonna take one hand off my dick and place it gently on his shoulder while I whisper in his ear, "Hey Pat, it's me who's stealing your ink cartridges". Then I'll slap him on the ass and walk out.

It's perfect. After that I'll stop doing everything and he'll be left paranoid and uncomfortable, with piss all over the front of his pants and a huge man's handprint on his ass.

3 Comments:

Blogger Kara said...

That's hot. I'm fascinated by any setting in which full grown men lop out their junk right by another dude with his junk lopped out.

I'm beginning to picture you as that guy from The Office (the funny one with hair kind of like yours that does little things to his coworker, like changing his clocks).

P.S. - Yeah. It's not a "half-day," or anything.

8:39 PM, June 10, 2006  
Blogger YourLocalGP said...

ha ha, what a jobsworth. Can't bear 'em.

10:00 AM, August 28, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You're just one of the busybody losers who makes the workplace a craphole to be in every day. I don't buy your justification. That's not what you're getting paid for. If the guy snaps, guess who's on his list.

1:59 PM, September 19, 2007  

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