We Interrupt This Newscast With an Urgent Bulletin...Shaq is on FIRE!!!
That dog committed suicide
Also, I noticed that I didn't make any inappropriate sexual references in that post, so I thought I'd add a little something here at the end. Sometimes I wish that my penis was just gigantic. So big that I could just pull it out at parties and people wouldn't even mind because it's just so big that it's funny instead of disgusting. But then I realize that, for all practical purposes, a penis that big would be just about as useless as a really tiny one. So I guess the lesson in this post is, be happy with your mediocre penis. Or life, or whatever. Whatever metaphorical shit you wanna put in there. Unless your penis is tiny. In that case, sorry for bringing it up.