Friday, June 16, 2006

We Interrupt This Newscast With an Urgent Bulletin...Shaq is on FIRE!!!

Apparently it's fire season and there are a few fires burning "out of control" around Albuquerque. Whatever, Jessica Alba's ass is out of control. My pubes are out of control. Fires aren't out of control until they kill someone. So, to the KOAT channel 7 executives that read my blog regularly, please don't cut into the 4th quarter of the NBA finals to tell me that someone across town accidentally burned 12 acres of the irreplaceable and beautiful Albuquerque south valley. The NBA doesn't interrupt the local news to tell you that Shaq has made 8 of his last 9 field goals. And just in case you're unfamiliar with this breath-taking tourist attraction, I've added a picture below that was taken before the fires. You don't walk around a place like this, you wander it in desperation.

That dog committed suicide

Also, I noticed that I didn't make any inappropriate sexual references in that post, so I thought I'd add a little something here at the end. Sometimes I wish that my penis was just gigantic. So big that I could just pull it out at parties and people wouldn't even mind because it's just so big that it's funny instead of disgusting. But then I realize that, for all practical purposes, a penis that big would be just about as useless as a really tiny one. So I guess the lesson in this post is, be happy with your mediocre penis. Or life, or whatever. Whatever metaphorical shit you wanna put in there. Unless your penis is tiny. In that case, sorry for bringing it up.

4 Comments:

Blogger Kara said...

Yeah? Well try having a tiny vagina. Try letting one of THOSE out at parties.

3:29 PM, June 16, 2006  
Blogger Kevin said...

Hey, it made me laugh.

That post was pretty awesome.

1:23 PM, June 19, 2006  
Blogger Michael said...

I have a friend with a tiny vagina. We're really good friends, that's why I know this. She's about my age (25) and her obgyn has to use a pediatric speculum on her for exams. Of course, I'm probably not really a good friend because when she first told me her vagina was actually tighter than that of an average woman, I acted surprised. :P

Here's a fun penis fact for you. In order to sustain an erection, a human penis cannot be longer than 14" (give or take a little for girth). If it's larger, then it would take so much blood for an erection that the unlucky bastard would probably pass out.

1:59 PM, June 23, 2006  
Blogger Sombody I Used to Know said...

what's a vagina?

4:42 PM, June 23, 2006  

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