You Liar. Strawberries Aren't Even in Season.
No, today is just another day that makes me question whether or not I died somehow and I just don't remember it, and now this is all my elaborate personalized hell. If it is, I've got to hand it to Satan, because this homemade strawberry cheesecake left over from the office's July birthdays celebration is just fantastic. I guess this can't be hell because a piece of cheesecake like this is just a little slice of heaven, am I right girls?
Besides, this is way too complex. If I was in charge of creating each person's hell, I'd probably just do something simple like eat their face. Or maybe give them an eternity of that feeling that you get when you first swallow something that goes down wrong, and for a minute you're so convinced that you're gonna suffocate that you just start grabbing and pulling on people's shirts. I've seen Navy Seals turned into scared, confused toddlers when a sip of juicy juice that was headed for their tummy went down the wrong pipe. And let's face it, there aren't too many things worse than being a scared confused toddler. When the dog steals your favorite blanket, your whole world falls apart. And the sound of Matt Lauer on TV in the morning is like the voice of God. Bad example, some things never change. Matt, you are a special one. Anyway, what was I talking about? Oh, that's right, nothing. It's quitting time.
(Loverboy's "Everybody's Workin' For the Weekend" plays as Shane exits the office)